If ever a pirate approached me and offered me the chance to join a pirate crew, to travel choppy waters and cross steel with aquatic abominations I would probably eat that pirate’s liver. No I would never want to be a pirate! Some people asked me how I could be so shallow, especially if I have never tried such an adventurous career! I respond, by inviting them to sit down with me and watch Pirates 3. By the end of the movie, they are not only convinced to abandon their pursuit of the high seas, but are content on joining some boring desk job and forever saying goodbye to the light of day. What is it you ask that they see? My response to that is.. too much. The movie is entirely much too long. This three hour long experience leaves you with all the pirate life you could ever want. By the end of the movie your buttocks hurt so much that you have no choice but to stretch your legs with a nice midnight hike through cougar infested mountains. And that of course is if you live in California, I shudder to think what Pirate fans have to face in Reykjavík (Iceland)… Yeti perhaps (*shrug*). The movie is by far more artistic than the other two. I found myself bewitched by the more simplistic visuals than the large-scale special effects. There are only so many times that you can be awed at the sight of a ship getting blown to smithereens, but only once or twice in your life will you ever see a rock turn into a crab. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then watch the movie and look out for the desert crabs. The desert crabs were awesome!
The acting was great as usual… at least from most of the actors. My favorite character by far was Captain Barbossa
(Geoffrey Rush). You are convinced that such a pirate exists, or could have at one point existed. He does not come across as some Hollywood creation. His look, his gruff, seems genuine. Johnny Depp was (as usual) awesome; though, he did lose some of his charm that he held in the first two pirates movies. I think he must have not been swaying enough through the course of the movie, or maybe the one-liners were not as powerful either. Maybe we should have given ol’ Johnny a little more rum. The character was definitely more serious. It was actually easier to identify with Jack Sparrow in the first couple movies. Maybe, it’s on account of the audience not having to pour every last brain cell into keeping up with the 
plot. This movie was by far more “plot complicated” than the other two. The others had room to breathe, and more comic relief. Keira Knightley was the biggest disappointment for me. Her dialogue was disastrous. She was by far the cheesiest character in the movie. At one point in the movie, she is giving an “all inspiring” speech. The speech was terrible. It was taking too much from Braveheart. Mel Gibson probably needed a paper bag after this scene. He probably went home, and re-watched his own “all inspiring” scenes just for the sake of mental therapy. I’m sorry Keira, you will never be President. Well, maybe if you ran in the last presidential election (not much competition there).
Now to the next victim (Orlando Bloom), mua ha ha! Actually, he gets the “Most Static Character” award. The character with the most inner turmoil should change, right? He remained much too constant even after solving his deepest darkest conflicts. It was just plain upsetting that he walked off without some kind of emotional baggage or insanity.
Ok, so we all need to sit down now, breathe a little and realize a couple things. Sure this movie was not the best of the three. It does however need to be seen by all, if not only for the genius of the first Pirates of the Caribbean. I did end up having a great time watching this movie. It was graphically beautiful, though somewhere in the back of my mind I would rather be watching something else (The Clash of the Titans; Willow; Sleepless in Seattle (Aaaah! Just kidding)).
* * * *
Weak: 1 Star Average: 2 Stars Good: 3 Stars Very Good: 4 Stars Excellent: 5 Stars